Why can’t I?
I just want to feel good about myself again.
I don’t know where my confidence is hiding, or when it left it, but I do want it back.
When did it dip out on me?
All I know is these days it takes a shit ton of work to make myself feel good, to get out of bed in the morning.
I try extremely hard and still end up feeling bad. Just bad.
All the time, bad.
It sucks that I can be “happy” for my partner but not deeply happy for her. I just wish I could be a part of her day to day, And feel as carefree as she does.
Instead I’m always stressing. I’m always talking down to myself. It’s so easy to say “don’t do that.” But in action I just do it.
When does it end? Does it end? Will I ever have a good day start to finish? Will I ever come back home with the same smile and enthusiasm I worked hard for when leaving?
I truly never thought I could be this low. I thought the lowest it could get was admiring scissors on my grandma’s carpet for hours.
She tells me to tell someone, my mom. I do. She says there’s another side to this. I imagine another other side. Being better takes hard work. I’ve always been a hard worker. Why can’t I work through this?
